


Check-Out Line Love: a Christmas Drabble

by ObsessedtwibrarianOTB



Category: Original Work
Genre: Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:56:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6417076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsessedtwibrarianOTB/pseuds/ObsessedtwibrarianOTB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You never know who you'll meet in the check-out line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Check-Out Line Love: a Christmas Drabble

**Author's Note:**

> First Place Winner in the Christmas Drabble contest on FreeWriters and Readers (FWAR).

The line was interminably long and my temper extremely short. I fucking hated Christmas.

Lame carols were blasting over the loud speakers. I resisted their cheeriness the only way I could. I made up my own lyrics and sang them silently inside my head with defiance:

 _Deck the aisles with cheap Chinese products, FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa_  
_Tis the season to buy dumb shit for people you can’t fucking stand, FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa_  
_Don we now our 3-sizes-too-small pants we shouldn’t wear in public, FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa_  
_Tits hanging out and ass crack showing, FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa_

They never rhymed and the cadence was off, but giving Corporate Father Christmas the silent middle finger made my dick hard.

There was a problem in front of me. That was always my fucking luck. Ten thousand cheap-assed Christmas ornaments in this store and the dumb woman picked THE ONLY ONE without a price tag! I didn’t have time for this shit. I just needed to pay for this one bag of dog food and get out of this miserable Christmas-tide hellhole.

“I thought this was the god-damned express line,” a female voice behind me muttered in annoyance.

Without bothering to give her a turnaround look, I responded in fluent sarcasm. “This is the _slug_ express line. The much faster _snail_ express line is the next aisle over.”

The voice snorted in amusement. “She has more than twenty items, too. Somebody needs to kick her ass back to Kindergarten so she can learn to fucking count.”

“Doubt they’d get that ass in one of those little desks,” I murmured.

A soft giggle from behind me.

I smiled, but my brief bout of good humor dissolved when the cashier picked up her telephone to call the Oh Great and Powerful Store Manager about what price to put on the vomit-green Christmas ball. This was going to take all damned night.

“Have you ever seen such a fuck-ugly ornament?” I commented under my breath, hoping my wonderfully profane partner-in-crime behind me could hear.

The voice behind me agreed. “Looks like something my dog puked up, then ate again.”

I chuckled softly at her comment, but now the idiot woman was disagreeing with the Oh Great and Powerful Store Manager and telling him he was wrong about the price. She was sure it was $0.99, instead of $1.99.

“Jesus Fucking Santa Claus,” I muttered beneath my breath. This shit deserved its own song. “Tis the season to commit bloody fucking murder, FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa,” I sang softly.

“Slap the bitch and stomp her stinking guts out, FaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa,” sang the voice behind me.

I actually laughed out loud. Whoever this woman was behind me, I was in love with her snide, hateful ass. I was in fucking Christmas Checkout-Line Love.

“Want to get something to eat, if we ever get out of this slow-assed line?” I asked.

“That fat pedophile they call Santa Claus is at the mall tonight. We can make fun of him while we eat,” she suggested.

_Oh, what a gal…_

 


End file.
